Acting as if....turning around an awful moment.
When we believe "I screwed up" it's not always the best approach to resolving or correcting a situation. Here's why.
Ten years ago, I thought I needed more money so badly...there would be terrible consequences if I didn't get more. The worst that could happen, i thought, was having to go live with my mother. I did The Work on that future, terrible imagined situation and found, maybe if it went that way, it would be the best that could ever happen. I felt lightness and joy about the future, after I did that work. And I never moved in with my mother.
Those people who say "no" well seem to be confident, sure of themselves, great leaders, clear! But maybe you can say no, in your own less-perfect way. Here are some sentences you can practice for saying "no" and getting more comfortable. You didn't know how before, and with rehearsing, you get better and better.
Byron Katie mentions when we believe our thoughts, we suffer, and when we question them, we don't. Who would you be without your story of making a mistake, or that other person making one? How strange (but interesting, and a relief) to find something good coming out of these so-called "mistakes" and the freedom from guilt. It's kinder.
Everyone has voices in their head, sometimes that oppose each other, or don't even feel natural. One of my favorite exercises while doing The Work is to feel and be with each question, very thoroughly, very physically. How would it feel, with this thought....and without it?
We are told and invited over and over again to do The Work on OTHER people, not ourselves. But here's a little confession about me. My first public worksheet? Yup. It was on myself. Something I felt horribly ashamed of, and guilty, and thought I'd never get over.
Everyone wants to do The Work of Byron Katie on themselves. Even though we're told not to. How can we imagine who we'd be without our stories? Here's how.
I work with many people, including myself, who think "self-inquiry, or The Work of Byron Katie doesn't work for me!"
I love finding out why. Over time, working with others, the little bumps and barriers along the way fall apart, or dissolve (that's the good news).
There is nothing and no one who can't benefit from inquiring to the truth about their mind, if they want to.
I constantly criticized myself for an interesting moment from my past---trying to get my grandpa's approval, as well as be just as good as my sister, when I was ten years old.
Who would you be without the belief you did it WRONG, because you sought approval? What if that was just YOU at the time?
I often notice I've thought being kind, nice, saying "yes" and being connected = best result. But what if you could be loving and connected, without physical contact? Who says you have to hang out with people forever? Or that it's success if you do? Listen here to how I handled a "no" and moved on, still appreciating the teacher who I learned to say "no" from!
I often want the nice comfy way. Can't we skip the hard parts of life? A little story about a moment I was, literally, hanging on the edge of a cliff face and couldn't get off.
When I was 8 my family moved far away from my home town and the home I had mostly known since I was a baby. It felt devastating, and like it's true you can never, ever go back and that it's painful to get rooted somewhere. I spent many years in my late teens and 20s having home of my own, thinking "home" was my parents house. You can question these kinds of beliefs, even if they don't seem devastating anymore. What beliefs do you have running, that you got from some old memory? Question it!
Money and the absence of it is often a terrible worse-case scenario in our experience. We've lost everything, we think about the stuff we once had, or the house, and how terrible we don't anymore. Or, about the horrible scenario we see in our future, if things keep going the way they do. Yikes. Fear and panic set in. Listen to my story about what I did, when I thought the worse case scenario was about to happen.
Death and dying is so painful, it can break our hearts into a million pieces. Listen as I share today my own experience of death, and a poem that both mends, and acknowledges, the dark and beautiful sadness of death.
The turnaround to #6 in The Work of Byron Katie is often somewhat jolting. The way we're turning around our thoughts is to consider being willing to experience something terrible, and even looking forward to what we think is terrible. But this doesn't mean you have to like it. Here's how.
Sometimes that mind is so tricky, it will make even a great principle like "Be Here Now" into a project. "GET INTO THE PRESENT MOMENT!!" it will scream. So how do you work with that dictator mind? Let's explore how.
Debra Wilkinson shares with us in this beautiful interview about how she made friends with the past, and learned to truly take care of herself with acceptance and joy....and no longer feels anxiety in the present.
In Year of Inquiry (a course I run for an entire year) we're looking at the body for an entire month, and all we object to around what happens to the body. How astonishing to wonder if it's possible to be happy, no matter what's happening in this body, or anyone else's body!
Kathleen Gage runs a business out of Eugene, Oregon and enjoys a sweet daily life of peace. We "accidentally" connected by phone....and agree, there are no mistakes.
I was introduced to Debra Ruh recently, and decided to invite her to Peace Talk because of her remarkable experience. She had a down syndrome baby girl in her 20s, and went on to start a very successful company that helped major employers hire people with disabilities. Listen to her story here, and be inspired by her challenges becoming blessings.
Death is maybe the most frightening thing for many humans to contemplate. Loss, separation, fear. It's like death means....something horrible, and we haven't questioned if this is even true. Is there life beyond death? Who wants to know?
Anyone can question their thinking that a situation is not providing enough "x" whatever it is: money, food, time, security, love, happiness. Wow, what a difficult and common thought....but you can question it. I share how I did it today, with my thought "there aren't enough participants coming to my retreat!" LOL. There are, it turns out.
There's a voice of addiction you may be listening to that's ultimately got nothing to do with being addicted to a substance or activity. It's the compulsion to have the story "there is something wrong with this moment". You've got the voice that is NOT addicted, too. Can you hear it, even in the midst of total discouragement?